Introduction
Discover how to love yourself with 8 proven strategies to build unshakeable self-worth. Learn self-love practices that transform your inner critic into your biggest supporter.
I was standing in my bathroom mirror at 2 AM, tears streaming down my face, when it hit me like a freight train: I wouldn’t talk to my worst enemy the way I talked to myself. Learning how to love yourself isn’t just a nice idea – it’s essential for your mental health and overall happiness.
The voice in my head had just finished a brutal 20-minute monologue about everything I’d done wrong that day, every flaw in my appearance, and every reason why I wasn’t good enough. That’s when I realized I wasn’t fighting external battles anymore – I was at war with myself, and I was losing.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. We live in a world that profits from our insecurities, constantly telling us we’re not thin enough, successful enough, or worthy enough. But here’s what I’ve learned after years of therapy, self-reflection, and countless moments of both breakthrough and breakdown: knowing how to love yourself isn’t selfish or narcissistic. It’s survival.
When you love yourself authentically, you show up differently in every area of your life. Your relationships improve because you’re not desperately seeking validation. Your work becomes more fulfilling because you’re not hiding your authentic self. Your mental health stabilizes because you finally have someone in your corner – you.
In this guide, I’m sharing the eight transformative practices that helped me go from being my own worst critic to becoming my biggest cheerleader. These aren’t fluffy affirmations or surface-level fixes. They’re the deep, sometimes uncomfortable work that creates lasting change from the inside out and teaches you how to love yourself genuinely.
1. How to Love Yourself by Stopping Your Inner Critic’s Toxic Commentary
The first step in learning how to love yourself is recognizing the voice that’s been sabotaging you all along. We all have an inner critic – that relentless commentator that points out every flaw, predicts every failure, and reminds us of our worst moments on repeat.
Mine sounded like a mashup of every harsh teacher, disappointed parent, and cruel classmate I’d ever encountered. It would wake me up with anxiety about the day ahead and put me to sleep with regrets about everything I’d done wrong. I thought this voice was protecting me from failure, but it was actually preventing me from living and learning how to love yourself.
The truth is, your inner critic isn’t trying to help you – it’s trying to keep you small and safe. It mistakes self-punishment for motivation and cruelty for truth. But here’s what changed everything for me: I started treating that voice like an unwelcome houseguest rather than gospel truth.
When I catch myself thinking “You’re so stupid for making that mistake,” I pause and ask: “Would I say this to my best friend?” The answer is always no. Then I reframe it: “You made a mistake, and that’s human. What can you learn from this?”
Start paying attention to your inner dialogue today. Write down the harsh things you say to yourself, then imagine saying them to someone you love. The contrast will shock you into change and help you understand how to love yourself more compassionately.
2. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Peace
Learning to say “no” was terrifying for me, but it’s crucial when you’re figuring out how to love yourself. I was the ultimate people-pleaser, saying yes to every request, invitation, and demand on my time. I thought this made me a good person, but it was actually making me resentful, exhausted, and disconnected from my own needs.
Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls – it’s about creating a fence with a gate. You get to decide who comes into your space, when they come, and what they’re allowed to bring with them. This applies to relationships, work, social media, and even your own thoughts and habits.
I started small. Instead of automatically saying “yes” to social events I didn’t want to attend, I began asking myself: “Do I actually want to do this, or do I feel obligated?” If it was obligation, I practiced saying, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I won’t be able to make it.”
The guilt was intense at first. I worried people would think I was selfish or stop inviting me to things. But something beautiful happened instead: the people who truly cared about me respected my boundaries, and the relationships that couldn’t survive my “no” weren’t worth preserving anyway.
Boundaries with yourself are just as important when learning how to love yourself. This means not scrolling social media when you’re already feeling bad about yourself, not overcommitting to projects that drain your energy, and not staying up late when you know you need rest.
Your peace is not negotiable. It’s the foundation everything else is built on, especially your journey to love yourself.
3. Forgiving Your Past Mistakes
I used to carry my mistakes like a heavy backpack filled with rocks. Every poor decision, every time I hurt someone, every moment I wish I could take back – I lugged it all around, day after day, letting the weight crush my spirit and preventing me from learning how to love yourself.
The prison of shame and regret is one we build for ourselves, and we’re the only ones who hold the key. But here’s what I learned: there’s a massive difference between accountability and self-punishment when you’re trying to love yourself.
Accountability says: “I made a mistake, I’ve learned from it, and I’ll do better.” Self-punishment says: “I’m a terrible person who doesn’t deserve forgiveness or happiness.” One leads to growth and helps you love yourself; the other leads to stagnation.
The moment that changed everything for me was realizing that holding onto guilt wasn’t honoring the people I’d hurt – it was actually a form of selfishness. By staying stuck in shame, I was making everything about my pain instead of focusing on how I could make amends and grow.
I started a forgiveness practice where I would write letters to myself about my mistakes – not to excuse them, but to process them with compassion. I would acknowledge the harm, express genuine remorse, identify what I’d learned, and then consciously choose to release the guilt that was no longer serving anyone.
Your past doesn’t define you. Your response to it does. You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you carry it forward as you learn how to love yourself.
4. How to Love Yourself by Celebrating Your Wins (No Matter How Small)
I was terrible at celebrating my accomplishments, which made it impossible to truly love yourself. Whenever something good happened, I’d immediately minimize it: “It wasn’t that big of a deal,” “Anyone could have done it,” or “I just got lucky.” Meanwhile, I would ruminate on my failures for weeks.
This wasn’t humility – it was self-sabotage. By dismissing my successes, I was training my brain to focus only on what was wrong, creating a constant state of dissatisfaction and low self-worth that blocked my ability to love yourself.
The shift happened when I started keeping a “wins journal.” Every evening, I would write down three things I did well that day, no matter how small. Some days it was “I gave a great presentation at work.” Other days it was “I got out of bed despite feeling depressed” or “I chose a salad instead of stress-eating cookies.”
What I discovered was revolutionary: there were wins everywhere, but I’d trained myself not to see them. I was like someone walking through a garden focused only on the weeds while missing all the flowers.
Start noticing and acknowledging your daily victories. Did you handle a difficult conversation with grace? Celebrate it. Did you stick to a boundary you set? That’s worth recognizing. Did you choose self-care over self-criticism? That’s a win that helps you love yourself more.
The more you celebrate yourself, the more reasons you’ll find to celebrate. It’s like training your brain to be your biggest fan instead of your harshest critic, which is essential when learning how to love yourself.
5. How to Love Yourself Through Physical and Mental Well-being
I used to treat my body like a machine that was supposed to function regardless of how I treated it. I’d skip meals, ignore exhaustion, push through illness, and wonder why I felt terrible all the time. I wouldn’t treat a rental car the way I was treating my own body, and this was blocking my ability to love yourself.
The shift came when I started asking myself: “How would I care for this body if it belonged to someone I loved deeply?” The answer was obvious – I’d make sure they got enough sleep, ate nourishing food, moved their body joyfully, and rested when they needed it.
Self-care isn’t bubble baths and spa days (though those are nice). It’s the daily, sometimes boring acts of love that keep you functioning at your best and help you love yourself through actions. It’s going to bed at a reasonable hour even when you want to binge-watch Netflix. It’s drinking water throughout the day. It’s taking your medications. It’s moving your body in ways that feel good.
Mental well-being requires the same intentional care when you’re learning how to love yourself. This might mean therapy, meditation, journaling, or simply creating space for your emotions without judgment. I started treating my mental health like I would a broken bone – with patience, professional help when needed, and the understanding that healing takes time.
The revolutionary realization was that taking care of myself wasn’t selfish – it was necessary. I couldn’t pour from an empty cup, and I couldn’t love others fully when I was running on fumes, let alone love yourself authentically.
6. Surrounding Yourself with People Who See Your Worth
The people in your life are either deposits or withdrawals from your self-worth bank account, and they significantly impact your ability to love yourself. I spent years trying to earn love from people who were fundamentally unable or unwilling to see my value, while neglecting the relationships with those who already celebrated me.
I had to get honest about which relationships were nurturing my growth and which were keeping me small. The energy vampires who complained constantly but never wanted solutions. The friends who only called when they needed something. The family members who criticized everything I did. The romantic partners who made me feel like I had to earn their affection.
It wasn’t about cutting everyone off, but it was about consciously choosing where to invest my energy as I learned how to love yourself. I started spending more time with people who laughed at my jokes, supported my dreams, and saw the best in me even when I couldn’t see it myself.
I also had to learn how to attract healthier relationships by becoming healthier myself. When I stopped trying to fix people, I attracted people who were already whole. When I stopped settling for crumbs of affection, I found people who offered genuine love.
The quality of your relationships is a reflection of how you see yourself. Surround yourself with people who remind you of your worth, not those who make you question it. This is crucial when you’re learning how to love yourself authentically.
7. How to Love Yourself by Pursuing What Brings You Genuine Joy
Somewhere along the way, I lost track of what actually made me happy, which made it nearly impossible to love yourself. I was so busy trying to meet everyone else’s expectations and pursuing what I thought I “should” want that I forgot what I actually enjoyed.
I was living someone else’s definition of success while my soul slowly starved. I had the career that looked good on paper, lived in the city everyone said was amazing, and pursued hobbies that seemed impressive but left me feeling empty.
The journey back to myself started with a simple question: “What did I love doing before the world told me who I should be?” The answers surprised me. I remembered how much I loved writing poetry, dancing in my room, gardening, and having deep conversations about life.
I gave myself permission to explore these interests again, even if they seemed silly or impractical. I joined a creative writing group. I took dance classes. I started a small herb garden on my balcony. I made time for the conversations that fed my soul and helped me love yourself more authentically.
What I discovered was that joy isn’t a luxury – it’s essential fuel for a life worth living. When you do things that light you up, you become magnetic. You attract opportunities, relationships, and experiences that align with your authentic self.
Stop asking “What should I do?” and start asking “What would make me come alive?” Then give yourself permission to pursue it. This is how you learn to love yourself through authentic expression.
8. Have Self-Compassion When You Stumble
The final piece of learning how to love yourself is treating yourself with kindness when things go wrong. This was my biggest struggle because I thought being hard on myself would motivate me to do better. Instead, it kept me stuck in cycles of shame and self-sabotage that made it impossible to love yourself.
Self-compassion isn’t about lowering your standards or making excuses for bad behavior. It’s about responding to your mistakes with the same kindness you’d show a good friend going through a tough time, and it’s essential when you’re learning how to love yourself.
When I mess up now, instead of launching into a brutal self-attack, I pause and ask: “What would I say to my best friend if they came to me with this problem?” The answer is usually something like: “This is really hard, and it makes sense that you’re struggling. You’re human, and humans make mistakes. What do you need right now to move forward?”
This shift from self-criticism to self-compassion has been transformative in my journey to love yourself. Instead of getting stuck in shame spirals that lasted for days, I can process my mistakes, learn from them, and move forward much more quickly.
Recovery isn’t about avoiding all setbacks – it’s about bouncing back from them with grace. Every time you choose compassion over criticism, you’re building resilience and self-trust, which are essential components of learning how to love yourself.
Your Journey to Love Yourself Starts Now
Learning how to love yourself is not a destination – it’s a daily practice. Some days you’ll nail it, celebrating your wins and treating yourself with kindness. Other days you’ll slip back into old patterns of self-criticism and people-pleasing. Both are part of the journey to love yourself.
The difference between where I was five years ago and where I am today isn’t that I’ve achieved perfect self-love. It’s that I’ve learned to catch myself faster when I’m being unkind to myself, and I have tools to get back on track in my practice to love yourself.
You don’t need to wait until you’ve “fixed” everything about yourself to start this work. You don’t need to earn your own love through achievements or approval from others. You deserve love and compassion simply because you exist, and learning how to love yourself begins with accepting this truth.
Start small. Choose one practice from this guide and commit to it for the next week. Maybe it’s noticing your inner critic and responding with kindness. Maybe it’s setting one boundary or celebrating one small win each day as you learn how to love yourself.
The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life. It determines how you show up in your career, your friendships, your romantic partnerships, and your role as a parent or caregiver. When you love yourself, everything else falls into place more naturally.
You’ve spent enough time being your own worst enemy. Isn’t it time to become your biggest advocate? Learning how to love yourself is the most important investment you’ll ever make.
Your future self is counting on the choice you make today. Choose love. Choose yourself. Choose to start your journey to love yourself now.
The world needs what you have to offer, but first, you need to believe you’re worth offering it. You are. You always have been. It’s time to start acting like it and truly love yourself.